The son must honour his parents, even if they fell short with regard to his rights.
It is the right of parents to be obeyed and honoured by their children, and for their children to offer supplication for them, even if they fall short in raising them and spending on them
Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small’” [al-Isra’ 17:24].
I heard someone whose knowledge I do not trust say that in the case of a father or mother who did not play his or her proper role in bringing up the child, there is no obligation to obey them, honour them or offer supplication for them, because Allah, may He be exalted, says: “ ‘as they did bring me up when I was small’”. I cannot work out how sound this view is. Is this view correct according to Islamic teachings?
Did any of the early generations hold this view?
It is not appropriate to take knowledge from anyone except scholars who have good knowledge, and knowledge will remain so long as the scholars remain, then when Allah wants to take away knowledge, He will take away its people.
Muslim narrated in the introduction to his Saheeh (1/14) from Muhammad ibn Sireen that he said: This knowledge is the (foundation of) religion, so watch from whom you learn your religion.
It is the parents’ right over their children that they should honour them, even if they fall short in terms of upbringing and spending on their maintenance.
If the father does not give his child his rights, and falls short in his upbringing of him, that is a sin for which he will be brought to account and will be punished, but that does not justify disobedience to one’s parents, which is one of the gravest of major sins.
If it were the case that every time the father falls short in his duty towards his son, it would be permissible for the son to fall short in his duty towards his father, then all Muslim families would be ruined, and the son would disobey his father or mother for the slightest reason, and he would take his own opinion as a means of disobeying his parents.
Therefore he would say: My father fell short and did not give me my rights, and my mother fell short and did not treat me like my siblings, so he will disobey them and will think that they have no rights over him. This would cause trouble in the family and in society.
Ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked about the Islamic ruling on a person whose father – as he says – did not play any role in his upbringing and did not give him any kind of care, even when he was an infant, despite the fact that the father could have spent on his child. In this case is it still obligatory to uphold ties between the father and his son?
Yes, the son is obliged to honour his father, acknowledge his rights and treat him kindly, even if the father did badly and even if he fell short. And the father has to repent to Allah for his shortcomings; he has to repent to Allah from his shortcomings with regard to his upbringing of his son, but this does not justify disobedience on the part of the son.
Rather the son must honour his parents, even if they fell short with regard to his rights.
Allah says concerning the rights of the disbelievers, in the story of Luqmaan (interpretation of the meaning): “but behave with them in the world kindly” [Luqmaan 31:15], even if they are disbelievers.
What is required of the son is to treat his parents kindly and honour them, and to interact with them in a nice manner, even if they fell short with regard to his rights.
End quote from the shaykh’s website:
With regard to the verse in which Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning), “And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small’” [al-Isra’ 17:24].
This is what usually happens: the parents bring up their children, so the child should pray for mercy for them, responding to the blessing with gratitude. No one deviates from that except a few, and there is no ruling for the deviant.
By analogy with what this person says, if the parents, or one of them, was to die following the birth of the child, they would have no share in this prayer for mercy, because they did not bring him up when he was small, and the one who brought him up and spent on him is more deserving of this supplication than them, but no one would say that.
For more information, please see the answer to question no. 176847
And Allah knows best.